True but thats because hes a fetus.
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
