if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
