all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
