This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
