so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
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