You made me cry and you don't even care
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
