What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
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