Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
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