In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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