Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
