you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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