I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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