Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize