i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
