Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
My breasts were aching with rage.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
