Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
I look better un-naked...
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
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