Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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