Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Randomize
