How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
