Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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