dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
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