Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
