Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
there's paper in my vomit.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Randomize
