im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
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