Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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