Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
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