Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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