I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
My dick has a subreddit
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Randomize
