White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
