Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
