It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
