Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
party gras won. party gras always wins.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
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