I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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