WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Randomize
