please come you make the beer taste better
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
