I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
