Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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