They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
