It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
