I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Acid is not a monday night drug
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
