i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Randomize
