At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
NoShamevember. You game?
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
