I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
