I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
