I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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