Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Randomize
