Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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