I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize