i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
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