I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
