at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
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