I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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