You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
