my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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