So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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