Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
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