I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
