Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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