Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
