Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
