I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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