i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
