i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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