mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
