We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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