Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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