I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
