then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize