I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
